Early in my life I learned that I could not rely on anyone to be there for me. I spent most of my adult life proving to myself that I was independent and could conquer anything I set my mind to.
I still felt this way when I married my current husband. For the first few years of our marriage I had a career and I was an adjunct professor at a local university. I felt like I had it all: a husband, family, career.
As my pain slowly took over I denied that I was losing control. I continued doing everything through the pain. Until my body finally won the battle and I gave in to the pain. I left my work. I left teaching. I even left being a mother and a wife in spirit. I slowly went into a black hole (mentally) and I just dealt with the pain. As time went on, I became more dependant on my husband to be there for me; to help me get through the pain; to help me get things done around the house; to help me get out to see people and do the few things I can still do.
He did it again this week. He took me out of town to my cousins funeral. She was 41 and had a husband and four children that she left behind. She died from complications caused by cancer treatment. This has been a very sad time for me and for all who knew her. I wouldn't have been able to go or handle it if he weren't with me.
As I write this blog post, I realize how privileged I am to have a wonderful husband who cares enough about me to take me to the important things in life so that I don't miss out. He puts up with a lot and my illness has caused him to miss out on a lot. I think what he misses most is not being able to take off and go fishing like he used to. I try to encourage that he do so but his spirit has taken a blow too and he just doesn't have the interest he used to.
But, all in all, we have been humbled and we have each other. We appreciate each other. And although in my younger years I vowed to never depend on a man, I'm so glad I have this man to depend on.
I love you D ❤
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Bells Palsy/Trigeminal Neuralgia
I went to an event a week ago and that evening I was quickly and violently brought back into a Trigeminal Neuralgia episode. The muscles on the right side of my face quivvered, the nerves throughout that side of my face sent debilitating shock waves. I realized it was because I did my best to smile and converse with people for several hours. I drugged myself Lorazepam, Lyrica, and Oxycodone. Things finally calmed down.
Since then my facial muscles are in a Bells Palsy mode, my eye on that side feels dry and sticky, and my face has continuing nerve pain when it's touched. I believe that pain is called allydonia.
This got me thinking about my atypical facial pain diagnosis and looking up information on Bells Palsy.
I believe now that I have Bells Palsy with Trigeminal Neuralgia initiated by facial trauma that happened in two phases. First, when I initially had a root canal and the tooth root was broken delivering the bleach solution into my facial tissue causing extensive facial swelling and pain. Second, when that tooth had the second root canal and my mouth was opened too wide for a prolonged period of time damaging the Trigeminal nerve and facial muscles. Had I known that would happen, I would have had the tooth pulled instead of trying to keep it. I wish I could go back in time and change that decision. I eventually had that tooth pulled to see if it would help but the damage had already been done.
I guess I need to go back to one of my chiropractors that worked on my face to get it to calm down. Once it's calmed down I may try some facial retraining exercises given to Bells Palsy patients to see if I can try to strengthen my facial muscles slowly so I'm not slammed with another episode from trying to smile and enjoy some company.
Since then my facial muscles are in a Bells Palsy mode, my eye on that side feels dry and sticky, and my face has continuing nerve pain when it's touched. I believe that pain is called allydonia.
This got me thinking about my atypical facial pain diagnosis and looking up information on Bells Palsy.
I believe now that I have Bells Palsy with Trigeminal Neuralgia initiated by facial trauma that happened in two phases. First, when I initially had a root canal and the tooth root was broken delivering the bleach solution into my facial tissue causing extensive facial swelling and pain. Second, when that tooth had the second root canal and my mouth was opened too wide for a prolonged period of time damaging the Trigeminal nerve and facial muscles. Had I known that would happen, I would have had the tooth pulled instead of trying to keep it. I wish I could go back in time and change that decision. I eventually had that tooth pulled to see if it would help but the damage had already been done.
I guess I need to go back to one of my chiropractors that worked on my face to get it to calm down. Once it's calmed down I may try some facial retraining exercises given to Bells Palsy patients to see if I can try to strengthen my facial muscles slowly so I'm not slammed with another episode from trying to smile and enjoy some company.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Thoracic Spine Treatment
We moved to a new house in January. The packing, carrying boxes, etc. have me in screaming pain from my middle back and I have been on around the clock narcotics. Last week I went to Dr. Bottros, pain management and got an injection. I told him I needed more permanent relief. The next step is nerve ablation for the nerves that are trapped between the vertebrae where my disc has eroded. The ablation went very well with my knee so I'm somewhat hopeful that this may provide some relief for my back. I'm supposed to call him when my steroid injections where's off.
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